He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
