I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
