Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
