My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
