Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
