Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
