i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
