i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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