His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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