Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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