We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
