I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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