apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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