Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
