I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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