btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
