Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
