Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
