My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
