Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
