Pappa wants mamma naked
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
