The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
