i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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