Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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