I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We are two peas in an std pod
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
