dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just cut my nipple shaving
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
