dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
