Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
