ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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