i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
