youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
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