Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
