Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
