they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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