I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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