Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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