YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
