I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
