my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
