You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
