WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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