I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
