apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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