oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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