I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
