turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
