haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Randomize
