there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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