I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
