yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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