dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
